How to Appreciate Your Spouse In Their Imperfection


Written by Jane van Zundert

Hi, I am Jane, I am married and a mother of four. My mission in life is to inspire and motivate you, on how you can break free from fear, shame, and resentment and start creating a balanced life, so that you can begin to enjoy your total freedom and never get stuck again in life.

March 23, 2020

One thing is certain in all marriages. We all are married to imperfect people. I don’t need to meet you in person or to know anything about your marriage. It has been like that from the unset. When God created man and woman, Eve was not perfect and she gave the forbidden fruit to her husband, the end result did not separate them they work out their problems and that is how we all become the descender of Adam and eve. 1 Peter 3:7 said ”Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” Likewise in the book of Ephesians 5:33 ”However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband”.

How can we honestly love someone in their imperfections?

1. Magnify Your spouse

Until you understand that no one is perfect. We all are struggling to live a perfect life in one way or the other. When you get to know that everything that happens in life is a process then you will begin to succeed in your marriage. Learn to praise your spouse no matter what happened, just appreciating the good things in their lives the more and the bad ones will begin to disappear. The moment l started appreciating my spouse for the good thing he is doing all the other bad characters begin to go away. I trained myself to know that my spouse will stumble one way or the other so l always get myself ready in so doing l am enjoying a healthy marriage to date.

2. Accept your own weakness

In the Bible, Jesus was telling us that we need to accept our own mistakes first before attempting to help others. Luke 6:41-42 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye”. When l got married after a long time of being a single mother. I need to work on myself for a very long time. I learned a lot of things and I began to take responsibility for my own mistakes and weaknesses. It was only then l began to see that it was not all about trying to correct my husband but first working on myself. It works, today l can boldly say that l have overcome my weakness and that is why I am writing this blog to help you out there.

3. Spend quality time with God. Stay in the place of prayer

Spend quality time in the place of prayer for your spouse. Pray for them. Form the heart of prayer, appreciate things they do right, ask God to help them and ask God to turn their imperfections into a good one. Accept your own fault and pray to God to change both of you. Don’t be selfish in your prayer, ask for help and the intervention of the Holy Spirit for both of you.

4. Ask God to Change You

You might be busy to change your husband and forget to ask God to change you. Sometimes God wants to change you, but because you think your spouse is the one that is needed to be changed, you will get frustrated. Change you first before changing others. When you are changed positively you will begin to see the positive side of your spouse.

5. Stay in healthy communication

Marriage without communication is dead. When there is no good communication bond between you and your spouse your marriage might be heading towards a divorce. The family that discusses together the way forward of the family is what will survive in times of tribulations. You get to stay connected with your spouse. Never be too busy not to have communication with your spouse. It might be in the aspect of the upbringing of your children. It might be in the area of your career etc. Just stay connected and you will see that your spouse will be free to work on their imperfections.

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